Reflections on PTSD

Okay so I'm going to get a little personal right now.

PTSD

It's something that we are all familiar with. It's talked about a lot in the media. But what is the personal face of PTSD?

There are so many different degrees of PTSD. There are those that can no longer function in society. Their minds cannot contain the things they saw and heard while they were at war. Then there are those that slowly draw away from family. Those that change but not enough for society to force them to seek help. They change just enough to still function in society but have a hard time functioning at home, with the family. There are those who when their fight is over, don't know how to be a spouse or a parent anymore. They are so bothered by the things they did and saw that they retreat into themselves. They find something to hide themselves behind. This is the most common face of PTSD.

Marital problems, problems relating to other people, distrust, paranoia. These are the things that are very prevalent in my life today.

My husband left for the first deployment and granted we were having problems but he always had such a good heart. That's why I married him. Even though I was not saved at the time, I knew that he had a servants heart. Now, 3 deployments later, his heart has hardened towards people and to some extent me.

Its hard to deal with PTSD. Its hard to deal with the changes that come with it. PTSD has a lot to do with the short life span of marriages in the military today. Husbands and wives just don't know how to relate to each other anymore. Its a hard thing to deal with everyday. Its a hard thing to keep fighting against and some days, you just want to give up and call it quits. Its hard. I cant tell you if the outcome is worth all the heart ache. I'm still in the midst of it. I can say that when things are good they are really good, but those days seem to be fewer and farther between then I'd like.

The hardest part about dealing with a loved one with PTSD, is that a lot of times, they don't want to seek help. They live in denial that they are even suffering from it. Plus there is a stigma to go along with having PTSD on your record. The Army says that the don't want to treat soldiers differently, that they want to encourage them to seek help. Yes, they encourage them to seek help but yes they also still treat them differently. Having PTSD on your record can also keep you from some civilian sector jobs when you get out. The law enforcement departments, tend to shy away from hiring someone with PTSD on their record.

PTSD is challenging. The sad thing is though, that if your spouse doesn't want to seek help, there isn't much that you can do about it. I am a control freak. I like to know when, why and how and PTSD is not like that. The only thing you can do is try to love your spouse through it all. Its hard. Things can be hard. But that's all you can do. That's the only thing that is in your control. You cant control their actions or if they choose to seek help, you can only control yourself.

That's something I have to remind myself of everyday.